Mood:  blue

Death is a natural thing, everything has to die so that new can be born, over poputalion would be ridiculous... but why the heck does it have to be so damn hard. I mean really?  We know that it's gonna happen and yet once it does we're distraut over it, we're broken apart and spread all over the street so everyone can see all of your gooy insides. 

Today my cat died, to be honest I wasnt super close to this particular cat.  The reason we even got the cat was so that the other owners wouldnt put it out of its misery for no good reason.  How heartless anyway right?? Well anyway, this cat had been with these owners for like 10 years or some ridiculous amount of time like that and the lady got pregnant and the husband was to damn lazy to clean the litter box out so they were going to put it to sleep so the baby wasnt born with some weird defect.  Instead of letting them put this poor cat who has NO idea what was coming for him I took it.  When he got to my house he hid for the first day and a half and then came out and ate and used the bathroom and so on... we've had him maybe 2 months and in the 2 months we just thought he was shy and wasnt a people person so we let him do what he wanted.  He would watch out the window and walk around like a normal cat.  But about 3 or 4 days ago we noticed him staying in the bathroom closet for an offle long time, we just thought he liked it in there, it was his cave.  We let him go and then all of a sudden a day ago we say him laying down breathing real shallow and we tried to pick him up and he hissed and growled something offle.  We tried to feed him and water him and nothin... no bathroom, no food, no water...  He died today, bit me yesterday while I was trying to feed him and scared the hell out of me, I dont no this cat well enough to know he is safe to bite me and draw blood...  its confirmed now that my finger will be ok, I have to watch for infection tho. 

Anyway, your wondering why I told you this story.  I was a miserable wreck today, here this cat I barely no dies today and I cried like a freakin baby.  I mean talk about guts spread over the street for all to see, literally.  It was my nieces birthday and there were a crazy amount of people there and here I am painting my guts all over the floor. 

There has been 2 times that I've cried so incredibly hard I thought I was going to actually faint and that was when my grandma meiser died and when my dog june died.  All the other times, yea I cried but not like these two... And then today, crying like a baby over this 10 year old cat that got depressed and practically killed himself. 

The question still remains: Why do we let ourselves open up so much over death??  We know its gonna happen, we know it has to happen.  We know about heaven and hell and yet we let ourselves get all bent out of shape over it. 

Of course we care about the things and people that die, thats why, but most of the time you know its gonna happen, there are signs, old age or a disease... Why is the unanswered question.  Its completely innevitable.  I cry at a friends second cousins boyfriends grandma dying, or at some strangers chinchilla dying.  I open to easily...